My first STD was from a foam party
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
