Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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