It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
