she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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