yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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