So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
