Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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