Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
