2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
