So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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