You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
