i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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