I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
