the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
