im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
