never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am mentally ready for anal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
