Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
