Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
