dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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