i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Randomize
