i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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