Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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