he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
