the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
