She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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