Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
