We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
