nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
