He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
