the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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