I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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