I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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