I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
