Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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