I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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