i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
