I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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