I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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