can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
