I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
