Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
