My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
