My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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