About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
