hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
