Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
