So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
