and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
