I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
