these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
